Comfort zone (by Kurtis Bush)

Today on this cold day, I dressed like the weather and wore the color gray. A lot of the time my color choice matches the weather. I am a very earthy and natural being. Gray is associated with a lack of emotion, conservative, drab, and boring.

Although the sun is shining, for the past month or so, we have been having drab weather. Being conservative and boring is not necessarily bad, but let’s remember, youth, that these characteristics shouldn’t interfere with our productivity! A thing Darnell and I are doing is listening for opportunities to emerge out of our comfort zone. This is the zone where we’re content with what life is giving us.

A lot of people are in that zone, but so much can be accomplished when you reach out of it. Everyone should work on reaching out of their comfort zone. You would be surprised how much you learn about yourself and accomplish. Many successful people (not just those who are successful money-wise) have taken big chances in reaching out of their comfort level. When you’re comfortable, you’re gray—boring—uninterested—content—emotionless, in regards to life and your goals. There is so much to see out there!

I know I have missed much because of stubbornly being stuck in my comfort zone. I reached out of it last year in 2013, and my first step was with YES!Atlanta! Following my decision to step outside my comfort zone and join YES!Atlanta, my opportunities skyrocketed. I have met so many wonderful people, engaged in wonderful activities, helped the community, and touched lives that I never imagined I’d touch! So get uncomfortable! Get out of the Zone! Stop being GRAY!

Wisdom teach (by Kurtis Bush)

Today I wore the color gold. An amazing and attractive color, it is associated with luxury, triumph, achievement, and success. When I wore this gold silk shirt, I felt grand and royal. I felt like I was on top of the world. I think of how much Darnell and I have achieved in our mentoring relationship this past year. We have overcome hurdles, obstacles, trials, and tribulations.

The color gold is also associated with wisdom and higher ideals. Ever since I was a child, I have been told I possess a lot of wisdom for my age. I was often called a know-it-all, but in my eyes, I knew nothing. I’ve relayed to Darnell how important wisdom is. It’s one of those possessions that’s not connected with an actual thing. Wisdom teeth don’t make you wise, for instance. (In fact, having all four of mine removed was one of the wisest things I have done.) Using wisdom in a situation allows you to see things from a different perspective. It allows you to make sound judgments and decisions. In this day and age, a lot of youth are provoked with so many outside factors that test their wisdom and intellect.

My greatest experiences have led me to be wise. I witnessed a lot as a child; therefore, I became wise. As an adult, I experience more and more each day, which contributes to the growth of my wisdom. I pointed out to Darnell a while back that wisdom is not only good for him, it’s good for those watching him. There is always someone watching you. We both talked about how many friends around his age and in his circle are leaving this earth too soon because of unsound judgments. We both agreed that wisdom is one of the virtues that the universe is telling him to start using in everything he does.

“Knowledge speaks, but wisdom listens.”
—Jimi Hendrix

Down to Earth with my menTREE (by Kurtis Bush)

Today I wore the color brown. Brown is a nice fall/autumn color and pretty much goes with anything.  It is depicted as very down to earth, structured and secure, and the color of material wealth. I find this interesting because most of my personality traits match the depiction of the color brown.

In regards to mentoring, I’ve definitely shared with Darnell how important it is to establish security in your life. Establishing a firm foundation is key to success. Some of the thinnest trees can withstand powerful storms because they are anchored and grounded firmly. Same goes for us. Life is going to throw obstacles at you. It is important to keep grounded. Even if you get knocked down, it is imperative that you do not stay down. Even though a tree falls down and never gets back up, its decaying body still provides nourishment for other trees to sprout and grow. I encourage Darnell to never give up. (Except eating fast food :-(. Give up on that. As much as I love McDonald’s® fries, I have to say no to what’s not good for me.)

I find trees to be fascinating figures of life. They are the color brown (physically and symbolically). Hyperion is name of the tallest tree in the world—a coast redwood measuring 379 feet! To think this gigantic vegetative organism started from a tiny seed. It secured its position by growing roots deeeeeeep deeeeeeeeeeep below the soil. It could not grow as tall as it does without a secure foundation. The structure of the tree allows it to rise and aim for the stars, then branch out and produce wealth (leaves, animal habitat, etc).

That’s how we should look at life. I often nag Darnell about building something great now, so that it will blossom in due time. His future is very much linked to his past and present, much like the tree’s. He will go through storms, sway back and forth, experience frigid winters and blazing summers, but if he continues to anchor himself deeeeeeeeeeeep in the ground, then he will sprout UP and OUT!

“The creation of a thousand forests is in one acorn.”
—Ralph Waldo Emerson.

Red alert! (by Kurtis Bush)

Today, I am wearing my favorite color, red. Red is such an awesome color. Red is often depicted as a warm, powerful, loving, demanding, and flirtatious color. (We will come back to the flirtatious thing later, LOL!) It is also the color of passion, aggression, and anger. Red has always been my color of choice since I was a child. My room is painted red, my laptop is red, I love strawberries…just anything red!

I have always been a passionate person. My passion can sometimes cause me to be overly aggressive. I am working on that. I am very passionate about working with my mentee, Darnell. I have this natural calling to want to help people, especially children and youth. I often like to think that my life is shaping me to be a person who loves to help. It can be bittersweet at times, but it is my destiny.

I tell Darnell that around his age (he’s 17 years old) it is time to start thinking about your passion if you have not already. To exist is one thing, but to live with passion and power is a whole ‘nother feeling! I actually want to spend this year helping Darnell find his passion. Not only help him find it, but I also want to help him manifest it so that it will benefit him and others. I think he has an idea of what he’s passionate about, but he is not yet certain of it.

It is common nowadays for youth to be focused on ideas that will bring them riches and fame. While that may work for some, I ask Darnell, “What if your passion does not bring those things? Will you still pursue it?” Many teens today have this “get famous and rich” mentality, but forget that all that glitters isn’t gold. I need to consistently remind Darnell, myself, and my friends that if you are doing something you love, it is not work—it is your passion.  

Now a quick word on the flirting thing. I’ve noticed how Darnell interacts with girls his age. I sometimes forget he is a teenager! Since he is not far from leaving the teenage years and becoming a young adult, I began to talk with him about how to appropriately talk to and compliment a young lady. Of course I kept the conversation very healthy and professional. Again, we will work together as a team to further manifest our passions in positive ways.

Positive inner-G (by Kurtis Bush)

Blog #2. January 15, 2014.  I am still relating the color of my shirts to my mentoring for this week. On Tuesday, my first day back at GA State, I wore a white button-down shirt with thin blue stripes.  White is often depicted as a color of purity, new beginnings, and encouragement. Blue is the color of trust and peace, and even frigidity.

I have to keep a fresh and clear mind while spending time with my mentee, Darnell. Whatever problems I have, I need to leave those problems and negative energies behind. I literally have to have a new mindset and clarity each time we meet, no matter what obstacles I faced the day or even the hours before.

I do talk to Darnell about my problems, but I talk about them in a triumphant and encouraging tone. I want to let him know that YES! I am experiencing a whole heap of problems, but everything will be all right and I will not be defeated.  It’s highly important to cleanse your mind of any negativity. The cells in your body react to your thoughts, and negativity gives off negative energy that another person can feel.

I always try to keep a positive attitude and a smile on my face because things could be worse. I tell Darnell that a smile can go such a long way. Cleanse your mind of any debris and constantly encourage yourself. The man in the mirror is your biggest competition. Your reflection is the I AM. Darnell always tells me he is a G, which is slang for “The MAN”—kids these days (LOL)!

I will be graduating this year. HIP HIP HOORAY! A new beginning will take place in our lives (mine and Darnell’s) on May 11th, 2014. Every obstacle that presented itself during my collegiate career will have been conquered. It is extremely refreshing to know that my mentee will get to experience this with me.

The trust and peace I have with myself has grown tremendously. Sure, I doubt myself sometimes—it is normal to do so—but I must reassure myself I AM a warrior. Darnell is a warrior. When you trust yourself, you will have peace. I trusted myself when I started as a freshman in college. More recently, I had to really learn how to trust Darnell.

I have a tendency to be very aggressive and hard on people because I see the profound amount of potential in them. As I started to trust Darnell with some (not all) things, I began to realize he is LEARNING. Now, some things I trusted him with came back tenfold on me, but it is all good!  I trusted him and he trusted me. This trust wasn’t built in a day; neither was Rome. Trust-building and peace-building take time, trials, errors, encouragement, cleansing, and more. This is just the beginning….

From woes to warriors (by Kurtis Bush)

For the next 7 days, I will be writing a blog for YES!Atlanta about my mentoring experience. However, I want to add a little twist. Since I am a psych major, I tend to analyze everything that is going on. I am going to take the color of the shirt I am wearing and match it up to my blog post each day. Our subconscious mind controls 90-95% of what we do, including how we dress!

Today, I am wearing the color burgundy. Burgundy is often depicted as the color associated with being a warrior. Oh Yes! When my mentoring started to kick into high gear, I had to be strong in the midst of adversity. The year prior to my becoming a mentor, I lost my oldest brother in a car accident. It was definitely hard to take on such a huge and influential task of mentoring when catastrophe was still in my peripheral. Honestly, there were times when I wanted to give up, but I knew I made a commitment. I had to be a warrior for myself, but more importantly for my mentee, Darnell. My mother always tells me, “Be strong and do right, it may seem like no one is watching, but someone is.” Mothers always know what to say.

As time progressed and I started to find effective ways of becoming stronger to deal with life, I noticed that my mentee did also. Darnell and his brother, Devin, my brother Keith, and I all climbed Stone Mountain, GA not too long ago. Climbing that mountain is a metaphor itself. We needed physical strength (we pushed our bodies to the limit), we needed emotional strength (we encouraged each other), we needed mental strength (we set our minds to it and did not give up), and lastly, we needed spiritual strength (we listened to Mother Nature and appreciated what she offered—including 90 degree weather :-/). It was there that all four of us realized just how strong we really are.

Darnell and I continue to be warriors each and every day. I am the man of my own house, and he is 11 months away from turning 18 and becoming a “MAN” himself. This year, we will continue to focus on staying a warrior.

“To be a warrior is not a simple matter of wishing to be one. It is rather an endless struggle that will go on to the very last moment of our lives. Nobody is born a warrior, in exactly the same way that nobody is born an average man. We make ourselves into one or the other.” –Carlos Castaneda

Why I chose to become a mentor (by Rashad Stallings)

I never had a mentor growing up but I did have people in my life that influenced me to do better. I came from a single parent home where all the odds were against me but I rose against them. I was the first of my family to attend and graduate from college. I chose to become a mentor for at-risk youth not to be a role model for them but to tell them my story in hopes of being an inspiration. I want the youth to know that it is possible to succeed when statistics have labeled you as a failure. Based upon experience and the research that has already been compiled, we know that when done well, youth mentoring holds great promise in helping young people succeed in life.

Rashad (center) poses with Coaching for Success teens Corey
and Jerrod at a teens-vs.-mentors kickball game he organized

One of my main goals in mentoring is to help. To let the triumph of my experiences and life struggles be an example for the youth. I became a listening ear, someone that they can trust and be able to communicate with. We all want someone who will listen to us without judging and that's what I want to be for them. I’ve chosen to help the mentees by showing them that there is more to life than what they see every day. I challenge them to dream, and not only to dream but to follow those dreams, to not settle and to be the best they can be.

Mentoring has been one of the most satisfying and rewarding experiences I’ve ever had.  I believe that I am making a difference in someone else's life, as well as my own. Since I’ve been a mentor I have played a role in enhancing academic success, reducing juvenile crime, increasing self-esteem, revealing new opportunities and career paths for my mentee. I decided to be someone who matters to someone who matters.

#SomeoneWhoMatters

The great race

Thursday evening marked the second running of the Mile Fly Club’s monthly one-mile dash on the Beltline. The brainchild of Sean Pfister and Jeffrey Wisard of IWeLife, the event has a laid-back vibe I’ve seldom seen at organized runs.

This is at least partly by design. What does a race organizer do for fun when he’s not overseeing logistics for an event with 1,000 high-strung participants? Probably something like what we experienced Thursday night.

Sean intentionally keeps the event small—the field is capped at 70 runners, and last week's event had probably half that number. Registration costs just five bucks and pays for computer chip timing on a certified course, with hot dogs, chips, cold drinks, and good company afterwards.

To complete the feel-good story, the registration process offers runners a built-in chance to make a contribution to the organization chosen as the month's charity partner. That's where we come in. YES!Atlanta had the privilege of being this month's partner.

Of course we're appreciative of whatever monetary contribution ends up coming out of the event, but to focus on the money would be to miss so much of the benefit of that night.

During the course of the evening, I met Benjamin of Atlanta Beltline Bicycle (our gracious host for the post-race festivities); a neighboring business owner who saw the hubbub and stopped by; friends and associates of a couple of board members; and runners just there for a good time.

I got to introduce my wife and our little girls around. The three of them met Simeon, my committed partner, for the first time.

I got to run far enough to break a sweat on a pleasant course at a pace that will not cause the current world record holder in the mile to lose any sleep.

But the best part for me was getting to share some leisurely time with a number of our program volunteers, teens, and board members—thirteen of us, by my count.

As we’ve gotten back in the habit of holding monthly Second Saturday sessions, we’ve rediscovered the power of surrounding the teens we serve with a host of adults committed to being positive influencers. A night like this was perfect for candid, unforced conversation among people united by their commitment to the mission of Coaching for Success.

I was so encouraged to see our teens at ease mingling with folks other than their own mentors. And I was pleased (though not surprised) by the enthusiastic support offered to those teens as each ran his or her own race.

Men-Touring

Thanks for the amazing intro, Matt! I must say, when I first heard about the Coaching for Success program I was super excited yet a little nervous at the same time. I was nervous that I would not mesh well with my mentee and a host of other things!

As time has progressed, I and my mentee, Darnell, basically have become like brothers. I constantly repeat to Matt how amazing this program is. I am a 24-year-old student at GSU with so much going on. I find so much life and fulfillment with mentoring. I am learning so much about myself in this journey. So much enlightenment has flooded my mind and body. It is truly an amazing experience.

There were many factors that Darnell and I needed to target. At the beginning of each month we both would create a monthly to-do list.  It really helped with organizing and setting goals. The main factor that we targeted on Darnell’s end was his grades. The factor that I targeted on my end was procrastination. In fact, I kept procrastinating about writing this blog—sorry, Matt!

I must say that I am completely impressed with Darnell’s overall grade improvement. He has really dug deep in order to find a way to improve his grades and his overall performance at school. There have been many accomplishments we have achieved as a team and there are many more we will conquer together.

We have done and learned so much from each other within these past six months. We have learned the good and the bad. One thing that Darnell is helping me with is the art of opening up. I can be a bit reserved at times; not a bad thing, but it can have its downfalls. A lot of times I can be stern, too. Darnell’s playfulness and youthfulness often bring out that side of me that sometimes an adult can lose or put away during the process of growing up. Being an adult is hard; it is no walk in the park. Imagine that as a kid I would say “I can’t wait until I become an adult.” WELL! LOL! It is not all bad!

I wanted to wrap up this post by saying that I am ridiculously proud of my committed partner, Darnell. He is really taking in what I am offering him and applying it to his life. I repeat to him how valuable his life is and how many people want to see him succeed. Darnell’s parents, teachers, counselors, siblings, my parents, my friends, and I especially want to see him succeed.

It’s such a huge blessing to be able to make a difference in someone’s life. I thank Dottie and Matt and all the other mentors and mentees for allocating time to benefit one another. Most importantly, I want to thank Darnell for being a blessing to me.

Side note: Darnell SWEARS he is a young boss. What is a young boss compared to a King? HA HA!

...And then some

I checked in with Kurtis last week to see how things have been recently with him and his committed partner, Darnell. Kurtis had come up in conversation a few days before as I discussed the upcoming academic year with a school administrator. She couldn’t say enough about his interest and involvement in supporting Darnell’s progress last term, and looks forward to working with him again starting in August.

I called Kurtis to pass along a few school-related bits of information and to check in. I appreciate about Kurtis that when we talk, it’s not so I can verify that he’s meeting the baseline requirements for a Coaching for Success mentor. It’s more about catching up on what his “…and then some” looks like at the moment.

Kurtis is a student at Georgia State, and he never seems to lack for things to do. This summer, he’s taking a class and serving at a camp for 5- to 12-year-olds. He’ll be vacationing out of state soon, but he and Darnell have a plan in place for keeping tabs on one another.

Speaking of Darnell, he’s taking a class this summer, too. He and Kurtis have already spoken about what it’ll take to avoid landing in summer school next year. Kurtis is proud of the progress Darnell is making and feels good about his prospects for a successful 10th grade campaign.

What’s next on the agenda for this pair? Darnell is studying up on the driver manual Kurtis brought him and getting ready to apply for a learner permit. And the two will soon be putting their heads together to work on finding a job for Darnell.

This week’s post is a bit shorter than usual. Believe me, that’s not because I couldn’t muster 500 words in Kurtis’s behalf. It’s because I want to leave him a chance to tell you some things in his own words. That’s right, Kurtis asked if he could submit a post as a guest blogger in the near future. Stay tuned….

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P.S.—If you’re a Coaching for Success mentor and you’d like to be a guest blogger, contact me. We all stand to benefit as more voices join the conversation.

Take two

In what’s suddenly becoming a trend, I wanted to revisit a recent post again this week. This one refers back to June 1, when we reported on a new match for Je’Mia. That post came out on the day she and her new committed partner, Melanie, had planned their very first one-to-one meeting. And now, as Paul Harvey might say, the rest of the story….

That morning, Melanie found herself behind schedule as she was making final preparations to leave town for a week-long trip. Her attempts to reach Je’Mia via text to let her know they wouldn’t be able to spend very much time together that day didn’t get through, and when Melanie arrived to convey the news in person, Je’Mia was disappointed.

Her mom was frustrated. Je’Mia and her brother, Jerrod, who was also recently paired in a committed partnership, are blessed with a mom who is very much invested in her children’s success and happiness. She is exemplary among our current group of parents and guardians in her desire to be in tune with what’s going on in her kids’ mentoring relationships.

When she hosted Je’Mia’s match meeting a few weeks ago, she was proactive in asking questions of Melanie, and seemed to have a genuine interest in getting to know her. She is protective of her daughter, especially in light of Je’Mia’s experience the first time she was matched with a mentor.

Fast-forward a week. Melanie returned from her trip, and I spoke with her and Je’Mia’s mom as they went about arranging another mentoring activity. Neither was completely satisfied with the way the first attempt had turned out, and both were eager for another go at it.

Melanie and Je’Mia went on an outing that Wednesday—lunch and a movie at Atlantic Station. Melanie called afterward to report that it went well. The two had gotten to talk, and she’d decided to take a piece of advice offered in the New Mentor Workshop by committing to Je’Mia to meet the same day each week for a while. They’ll be an every-Wednesday duo going forward.

So it appears that this match is—once again—off to a good start. Je’Mia and Melanie have gone out a couple of Wednesdays in a row. Melanie sees the great potential in her committed partner and enjoys their time together. Je’Mia’s mom is pleased with the consistent support Melanie’s offering her daughter. And Je’Mia is flashing her trademark smile at the mere mention of her mentor’s name.

Je’Mia and Melanie checked out a collection of bones from long-extinct dinosaurs during their trip to the Fernbank Museum last Wednesday. The commitment to communicating and handling changes of plans that got them past their initial bump in the road will go a long way toward keeping their relationship alive and kicking for a long time to come.

Simeon and me

You might recall Simeon from the May 3 post to this blog. I generally like to keep things moving forward rather than revisiting past stories, but I left some business unfinished back there.

You see, there’s a detail I left out of the narrative of Simeon’s and my trip to the ballpark. It was the question he asked me during the drive home. I had told him we were still looking for a committed partner for him, and he said, “Mr. Matt, why couldn’t you be my mentor?”

I can’t recall what answer I gave him that night. I do recall revisiting his question in my mind every single day until the end of the school year, when Simeon’s mom called me to ask if we could make haste getting him paired up with someone. She had concerns about the influences around him and hoped he could get some additional support during the unstructured months of summer.

I told Simeon’s mom, Claudine, I would make it a priority to find Simeon’s match within a week. Then I looked in the mirror and found him.

The list of objections that had played in my head before that conversation went something like this: “I have two small kids of my own who need a lot of attention,” “My wife works, too, and it’s already tricky to coordinate our schedules,” “I need to maintain a degree of separation from the program to allow me to make objective decisions about it,” and “Am I willing to make a sustained commitment to meet weekly with one particular teen? I have a lot on my plate, and we don’t exactly live next door to one another.”

I’m not proud of my objection list. After all, I’m usually the one who, along with Dottie, affirms prospective mentors in their belief that they can do this, that they’re in for one of life’s truly rewarding experiences if they’ll push past the objections that keep them from getting involved and then make good on their commitment. It’s funny how a small dose of perspective—that there is a real and great need—can melt away the objections.

So how are things with Simeon and me so far? Well, we spent our first two sessions throwing things at each other. It’s not what it sounds like, though—he eked out a win when we tossed a pickup game of cornhole at Atlantic Station, then we played catch at a local ballfield and he showed off his pitching arm.

We’ve also discussed Simeon’s goals, which include attending college (preferably at Clemson or Auburn) on a baseball scholarship. I’ve learned that he loves tofu, wants to study sports medicine, enjoys cooking, and feels self-conscious when he stumbles over his words but is willing to talk anyway. I’ve also seen firsthand what I already knew from interacting with a lot of committed partners: that two guys from different generations, different parts of town, and different backgrounds can have a lot in common, whether it seems that way on the surface or not.

Why couldn’t I be Simeon’s committed partner? No good reason I can think of….

Surprise!

I have a confession to make: Last week I participated in a plot. I was sneaky and conniving, and I said things that, while not altogether untrue, were intentionally misleading. And I’d do it all again.

My co-conspirators included Sonya, a volunteer mentor, and Carmen, a board member, and the victim was Ms. Dottie, longtime program director for YES!Atlanta.

My part was simple, really: Do what it took to make sure Dottie was in our program office from 9:30 until noon Wednesday. Of course, we were coming out of a holiday weekend that Dottie had extended by using a vacation day. And she was to be onsite past typical office hours Wednesday evening to process a teen into the program. She was a good sport, though, and didn’t fuss at me too much for insisting on this particular block of time for a program planning session. Neither did she put up a fight that morning when Carmen showed up and asked her to help unload some program supplies from her car.

As Dottie walked out of the Juvenile Justice Center, Karyn Greer of 11Alive showed up to spring a surprise on her—Sonya had nominated her to be the beneficiary of a Random Act of Kindness. The gesture clearly touched Dottie, and she graciously accepted two $100 gift cards along with an admonition that she was to use them on something for herself.

The tribute was fitting. Beyond fulfilling a wide array of duties, Dottie has been there in person to celebrate high school graduations with Coaching for Success teens, and has driven hours to support some of those same grads four years later as they walked across another stage at the conclusion of their college career. She’s cooked food, organized pitch-ins, and given more rides than you could count into and out of neighborhoods many of her peers wouldn’t set foot in.

The conversation Dottie initiated as we headed back upstairs to our second-floor cubicle after her surprise says it all. She’d been interrupted in the middle of a phone call with a mentor she’s actively working to match with a young man in the program, and she was preoccupied not with how she would use her gift cards, but with getting back down to business.

“I have a soft spot in my heart for Michael,” she confided. “He’s a good kid.” (Dottie’s demonstrating that soft spot by enlisting Michael’s help with odd jobs to give him the opportunity to earn some money.) “I told [the mentor] if he’s not going to commit to doing right by him, I’ll find someone who will.” Noting my ever-so-slightly raised eyebrows, she continued. “I can talk to him a certain way, Matt.”

That she can.

So here’s to a remarkable lady whose systematic acts of caring make her such a deserving recipient of a Random Act of Kindness. Bravo, Ms. Dottie! And thanks for all that you do!

At last!

The story of Je’Mia’s involvement with Coaching for Success reads like…well…like life just is sometimes.

She started attending the weekly tutoring sessions at the Villages at Carver last fall along with several other young ladies, all of whom knew one another through school or proximity in the neighborhood or blood relation. She’s been a fixture at those weekly sessions ever since, missing only occasionally and never without cause.

Je’Mia has a wonderful personality. She’s bright, enthusiastic, outgoing, and interacts well with peers and adults alike. But for no apparent reason, when it comes to her experience with would-be mentors, she has been snakebit.

Back in the fall, we found a match that looked solid—common interests, right geographic range, compatable personalities—and it got off to a terrific start. Je’Mia’s face is a good barometer for her feelings, and she was all smiles when she was with her mentor or talking about her. Then, a few months in, something happened. I wish I could be more specific about what that “something” was, but it’s so far proven to be one of the unsolved mysteries of this program year.

Suddenly, Je’Mia’s check-ins about her time with her mentor changed. “We went ice skating” and “We’re planning to do such-and-such” turned into “I haven’t been able to reach her” and “When will I get to see my mentor again?”

Since that match terminated prematurely, we’ve made a few cautious attempts to place Je’Mia in another mentoring relationship. There was the month or so Dottie spent trying to coordinate a meeting with another prospect before she, too, fell off the radar. And the more recent case of a potential match we explored who lived just a little too far away.

Through it all, Je’Mia has been remarkably patient. She’s frequently asked “When am I going to get a mentor?” but she’s been unwavering in her commitment to attend program activities.

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Melanie’s involvement as a volunteer with YES!Atlanta began with a flourish. Before she even completed the screening and training process required before a mentor is matched with a teen, she was all in. She attended a volunteer support session, met and interacted with some veteran mentors and some fellow newcomers to the program, signed up to help staff our YES!Atlanta booth at a community event, offered to lend a hand with social media….

Melanie attended last month’s Second Saturday session, and she met Je’Mia. Theirs was only a brief first encounter. They spoke a few words to one another during the lunch break. It was enough.

Melanie told me before leaving at the end of the session that she’d really like to be paired with Je’Mia. She’d been struck by that short conversation and by Je’Mia’s sustained engagement with the group in the morning session. Two days later, at the weekly tutoring session, Je’Mia inquired about the possibility of a match with Melanie.

The rest is history. Melanie completed her training two weeks ago, and Je’Mia’s mom hosted the match meeting this Wednesday. Today marks the first one-to-one meeting of this brand-new committed partnership. Je’Mia’s telltale smile is back, and I believe it—and her new mentor—is around to stay.

Graduation

Yesterday evening at the Georgia Dome, I had the privilege of seeing the lone senior in this year’s Coaching for Success program walk across the stage and claim his high school diploma. LaMontae graduated with honors, and will be attending Georgia State this fall.

I’ve been to a lot of graduation ceremonies over the years. They all seem to have in common that they’re not really occasions for speakers to make life-changing or controversial speeches. Survey the attendees afterward about the content of the valedictorian’s speech and you’d generally get responses ranging from “It was nice” to “Valedic-who?” The next time I see a proud parent or guardian of a soon-to-be grad pull out a pen and paper to take notes about the key points of a commencement address will be the first.

Graduation is, plain and simple, a night for a family to celebrate an important accomplishment by one of its members. The roll call portion of the program is my favorite part—a unique blend of gravitas and gaiety. Whether the assembled cheering section for each grad chooses to express their support with full-throated whoops and hollers or reserved golf claps, there’s something I will always enjoy about the whole experience of being in a crowd like that.

I sat beside Gordon last night. When LaMontae’s name was called, he vocalized an affirmation. I’m quite certain the sound didn’t carry from midway up section 130 behind the end zone to LaMontae’s ears on the 40-yard line, and I joked with Gordon that I had expected him to break out twin air horns and make a big scene. But neither he nor LaMontae’s mom needed air horns to demonstrate their support last night. They were there—just as they’ve been, just as they’ll continue to be.

I’ve really enjoyed getting to know LaMontae through his involvement with Coaching for Success. I’ve enjoyed watching as Gordon has stimulated LaMontae’s interest in math and helped him navigate the process of applying for schools and scholarships.  I’ve enjoyed hearing about the pair’s exploits together outside the weekly group tutoring sessions (see the February 15 post in this blog for one of the more memorable ones). And I’m confident this young man has a bright future ahead of him.

We caught up with LaMontae after the ceremony and congratulated him on his achievement. He seemed ready to get out of cap and gown and move on to a small family celebration at his favorite restaurant, P.F. Chang. I said good-bye and watched as LaMontae and his party of supporters—his girlfriend, his brother, his mom, and Gordon—walked off together into the night.

Second Saturday

Last Saturday we re-instituted a YES!Atlanta tradition. For the first time in more than a year, we invited all Coaching for Success participants together for a group session. Mary Mitchell, one of YES!Atlanta’s co-founders and a recent addition to the board of directors, facilitated the session.

Mary insisted on students’ participation and engagement from the outset. Once everyone had stood in front of the group and announced their name, grade, and school, she told the teens the first order of business would be to read through and discuss a set of five basic ground rules for Second Saturday sessions.

Mary made it clear that she’d be seeking a volunteer to read each of the rules, and, anticipating that most of the teens would wait for someone else to step forward, promised the first volunteer the chance to read the shortest rule.

A quiet seventh-grader among a mostly high school-aged group, Mike would have topped my board as the odds-on favorite to resist participating the longest. But he quickly reminded me that I am a nonprofit executive, not a handicapper. Buoyed by Mary’s promise that the early bird would get off relatively easy, he practically jumped out of his seat to read rule 1: Be on time.

This rule was a good entry point for the morning’s conversation about the importance of keeping commitments. We had announced a start time of 10 a.m., but the last of the participants didn’t arrive until almost 10:30.

Mary had confided in me beforehand that the students would get a free pass—this time—on rule 1. Good thing. The way a few of our teens came in made me wonder how they make it to school early in the morning five days a week. My first glance at a particularly bleary-eyed girl reminded me of a teen truism once set out for me by a program participant: “There’s no such thing as a Saturday morning.”

It was slow going at first, as the rules of engagement were set and re-set. Mary had to remind students at nearly every exchange that she expected them to raise their hand to be acknowledged, stand while speaking, and acknowledge others’ contributions.

If you’ve spent much time with teens, you can probably imagine the non-verbal cues they were giving out to display their resistance to the format—loud sighs, rolling eyes, contorted posture, and a pace of movement more befitting residents at a senior center than students in senior high school.

The change started taking root maybe ten minutes into the session. One by one, as they reached the conclusion that Mary was going to stick to her guns, the teens began complying with the ground rules and genuinely engaging in the conversation. What started as one or two outliers quickly developed into a majority, and voilà—the beginnings of a mutually supportive peer group.

It’s a delicate seedling at this point, but I expect it’ll flourish with the right tending. That’s what Second Saturdays are for.

Ice cream social

This past Monday, we offered the students at our newest tutoring site a treat to acknowledge them for their effort and consistent attendance this semester: an ice cream social. Students got to dress up their sundaes with a variety of toppings—cookies, candy bars, chopped nuts, whipped cream, chocolate sauce…even a cherry on top.

That’s how the evening ended, but it took some work to get there.

Larry is the Resident Services Director for the Villages at Carver community and the initiator of our sundae-making party. He’s been a great ally as we’ve gotten this new program site up and running in the past year. Recently, Larry has been a regular fixture at Monday night tutoring sessions. He’s built a rapport with the teens using his unique way of cutting up with them even while laying down the law.

A few weeks back, Larry and one of the young men at this site exchanged a few words about the importance of respect and making the most of opportunities. Things didn’t get overly heated between the two, but as an offshoot of that conversation, the young man (an every-week regular since January) didn’t attend the following Monday.

This week, he returned. Larry and I took him aside for a quick conversation in a side room. At first, his eyes were down and his guard up. He had muttered a few choice words on his way out the door last time, and this became the first topic of discussion. It took him a minute and a little bit of coaching to engage, but once he did, things started to take a turn for the better.

Larry made a few points about this being a critical moment to really take in some of life’s lessons about how to successfully interact with others. His tone was firm and his words direct, but they were followed by a sincere assurance that he cared for this young man and wanted him to be here.

I reminded the young man of a conversation we had in his home last December that concluded with my inviting him to join Coaching for Success, not because he was a bad guy or because he really needed someone to fix him and his
problems, but because he has such potential to make it in life.

We talked for a few minutes more, and once everything was “straight,” we rejoined the group and finished out a productive tutoring session.

Then came the ice cream social. It was a real pleasure to get to sit around the table with this group of young people, at ease and enjoying themselves. We’ve gotten to know one another pretty well since last fall, but there was something nice about being able to set the books aside and just share a treat.

I suppose that’s how it is sometimes—you come for tutoring (and maybe even a challenging conversation) and you get ice cream. It takes hard work and commitment to get to the payoff, but when you do, how sweet it is!

Take me out to the ballgame

I recently had an unexpected bonding opportunity with one of the young men in the Coaching for Success program. My chance came courtesy of Dan, a friend who offered up some Braves tickets he had gotten from work and was unable to use.

With a pair of the tickets I took Simeon, a ninth-grader who is currently waiting on a mentoring match, to the ballpark. Simeon plays catcher on his high school baseball team and is an avid student of the game. This was not his first trip to Turner Field, but he was still wide-eyed at the experience.  With his mother’s blessing, he insisted on staying to the very end, when I snapped the attached photo of him.

Throughout the evening, Simeon was strikingly gracious. I was detained at a meeting and didn’t get to pick him up until the game was already a few innings old. He waved off my apologies, saying he was just happy for the chance to go.

It’s been a little while since I last visited a Major League ballpark, and as we passed booth after booth staffed by concessionaires and souvenir vendors on the way to our seats, I found myself wondering how my two young daughters would have reacted had they been there. Given half a chance, I suspect they would have overloaded with cotton candy, popcorn, foam tomahawks, and the like before ever laying eyes on the diamond. Not Simeon, though. He was there to see a game, and he quietly and confidently took the lead navigating to our section.

Like Simeon, I love a good ballgame. For my money, America’s pastime is the best among the major sports as a backdrop for meandering but meaningful conversation.  As the game moved along steadily, we talked our way easily through a number of topics—cherished memories at the ballpark, favorite players, the relative strengths of each team’s lineup, how to hit an off-speed pitch, the duties of a catcher who’s not starting, the progress Simeon’s making toward pulling his grades up, his knack for talking his way out of trouble, plans for the summer, and so on.

All in all, it was a wonderful night. The weather was perfect, the good guys won 3-2, and, with a little coaching from Simeon, I got the chance to perfect my tomahawk chop. Most importantly, a young man got a tangible reinforcement of a message we consistently work to get across—that he’s valuable, and there are people in his life who want the best for him.

I told Dan afterwards how much I appreciated his sharing those tickets. To him it was a simple and natural gesture, but for Simeon—and for me, too—it really meant a lot. Dan has a lot of responsibilities at work and at home. He may not have an hour every week to devote to mentoring a young person, but he made a valuable contribution nonetheless.

Broken brackets and healed relationships

Early last week, I joined several million of my closest friends in the annual ritual of filling out an NCAA men’s basketball tournament bracket. Coming out of an upset-filled first weekend, I was riding high. Dumb luck had smiled on me, and I found myself near the top of the heap. I was ranked in the 97th percentile among participants in ESPN’s Tournament Challenge.

Then, last night, the tournament’s second weekend got underway. I missed on three of my four picks and saw my projected national champion make an early exit from the field. My overall ranking hasn’t plummeted just yet, but any dreams I might have had of fighting off throngs of reporters crowding around my door asking what’s behind my power of prognostication and seeking my opinions about capital markets and corn futures have gone up in smoke.

As is the case with my tournament bracket, a lot can change from one week to the next in a mentoring match. Ever have a tiff with a good friend and see your perception of that person take a big-time turn for the worse? Even long-standing friendships between mature individuals can sour at what might seem to an objective observer like a small-potatoes issue.

Imagine how much greater is the possibility of something going badly wrong when the parties involved are just getting to know one another—and are still in the process of constructing a bridge to span some major differences in culture, life circumstance, and so on.

All this speaks to the necessity of regular monitoring and contact with the members of our committed partnerships. This is definitely not a case where no news is good news. Just as my Tournament Challenge entry didn’t reach out to inform me that my bracket just drove off a cliff, it’s not realistic to expect that a teen is going to call me to say he’s thoroughly peeved with his mentor. Without regular check-ins initiated by an impartial and supportive staff member, he’d be more likely to simmer silently and let the relationship slowly fail.

I hope you’ve had the experience of recovering a relationship from what feels, at least in the moment, like a major disagreement or misunderstanding. And I hope many of our Coaching for Success program participants get to experience this during the course of their time with YES!Atlanta. Learning to get past hard feelings to preserve something of great value is both empowering and rewarding.

My bracket is a lost cause. Their relationships are anything but.

Redemption

Have you ever finished reading a novel or watching a movie and found yourself thoroughly satisfied with the ending and marveling at how the writer got you there?

My all-time favorite film is Shawshank Redemption, which I believe accomplishes the rare feat of being even better than the short story it’s based on. I love the way director Frank Darabont builds the story of Andy’s friendship with Red, masterfully separates them out from one another, and concludes with their reunion on the beaches of Zihuatanejo.

I recently had a series of encounters with the members of one of our committed partnerships that, in a small way, echoed Shawshank for me.

We paired Asia and Latorsha last fall. Since that time I’ve had a couple of firsthand opportunities to observe them spending time together and have gotten frequent reports about the status of their match, most often from Asia. The theme of those reports has been unwavering, even as the circumstances vary—Asia has always reported an extremely high degree of satisfaction with the relationship.

Now, this fact by itself wouldn’t be all that remarkable. Some young people (and, for that matter, some adults) display the tendency to tell me what they think I want to hear. Not so Asia. If there’s one teen in the Coaching for Success program right now who I can count on to say what’s on her mind—good, bad, or ugly—it’s Asia.

She’s not a bit shy about telling me (or really anyone who cares to hear) if she doesn’t like someone, and she’s shown no inclination to withhold information when she’s gotten into it with peers at school.

It seemed that this match was sailing along smoothly. So I was a bit taken aback on the day we’d scheduled their four-month checkup to get word that Asia’s mom had called, frustrated, and asked to cancel the meeting because she didn’t know where her daughter was and couldn’t get in touch with her. Then Latorsha texted saying she couldn’t reach Asia and, since she had no-showed for their last scheduled meeting, didn’t want to drive into town without some confirmation that the experience wouldn’t be repeated. “Uh-oh,” I thought. “Sounds like we’ll have some things to talk about if we can pull this meeting off tonight.”

The meeting did come together that evening, but it required none of the de-tangling of raw feelings I’d anticipated. All three ladies were present and in high spirits. They hadn’t buried their feelings, but had simply expressed them, addressed them, and moved on. Asia and Latorsha talked at length about the importance of communication in their relationship. Of course they share favorite activities (dining out around town tops the list), but clearly the most important thing they do is talk—often, and about pretty much anything.

Every relationship hits some bumps in the road. Despite our best intentions, cell phone batteries die, car tires go flat, family emergencies come up, misunderstandings happen. A true friendship, though, can endure whatever circumstances may work against it. Just ask Andy and Red—or Asia and Latorsha.